South Dakota has a high percentage of working mothers. The most recent statistic is from 2016 where 85 percent of all moms have careers. March is women’s history month – a time to look at the contributions women make in our society. How women juggle work, school and kids’ activities is its own kind of tribute to women throughout history.
When I ask Arian Bunde how she balances her professional life with that of being a mom to four under six, the Vice President for Strategy and Innovation for South Dakota State University Foundation is quick to say she doesn’t.
“I actually don't aspire for balance in the sense that sometimes balance can make it feel like everything has to be equal at all times. As a person who tries to give 110 percent to everything, there's no way I can give 110 percent to two very important things at the same time. And so, I have to know that there are some weeks where I'm a little bit more on at work or they get a little bit more of me. And then there has to be other times where I consciously make the decision to stop and give 100 percent more to my family. And I will say that's probably less easy for me. I have to sort of tell myself to do that,” Bunde says.
When Bunde is home with Kinley, Abbott, Summit and Laikyn, she always works to be present.
“I’m trying really hard to be present and focus on trying to be very much where I am. Be where your feet are, whatever you want to say. But just, if I’m with my kids, to try and be, “OK, right now I am with my kids,” Bunde says.
To aid in this focus, Bunde recently got a second cell phone so that when she pulls out her smart phone to snap a picture or look up a recipe or fun craft to do with her kids, she isn’t tempted to check work e-mail.
For Buffalo, South Dakota rancher and professional rodeo athlete, Jessica Routier traveling the more than 40,000 miles to rodeos each season makes it challenging to always be where her kids are. One solution the mom of five came up with, is taking her three youngest, who are not yet in school with her. She relies on her husband, Riley or grandparents, to make sure their two oldest children, 14-year-old son, Braden and 12-year-old daughter, Payton, get to and from their activities and have cheerleaders in the stands while she’s away.
“It’s a lot of dividing and conquering we like to say. So, you know, some usually maybe one of the older kids and one of the adults and one of the younger kids will be in one place, the rest of us will be in another. We might be split three ways. …Thankfully, we have a lot of help. My husband’s family lives close by. They are 25 miles from us. My family is in Wisconsin, but they tend to come out several times a year to help and see the kids. So, between our families, then the last couple years we had some really great guys working for us as hired hands on the ranch. So, that helps. And they are not afraid to step in and maybe pick up a kid from school if that needs to be done” Routier says.
Although she tries to work her rodeo schedule around her older kids’ activities, it isn’t always possible.
“It definitely puts a lot more pressure on you because you know, now if I miss one of my kids’ rodeos to go to my own, then it’s like if I don’t do well at that rodeo, then I definitely should’ve just stayed and watched my kids,” Routier says.
Because as a working mom it is impossible to be everywhere at once or keep the house clean and laundry folded or give children 100 percent attention, giving yourself grace is key to sanity, explains Olimpia Justice.
Justice has three young daughters and is a translator who works remotely from her Sioux Falls’ home as a case coordinator for the nonprofit Voices for Peace, an organization that provides free immigration legal services to victims of crimes and domestic and sexual abuse survivors. Due to COVID-19, her plate is even more full than typical because she is also remote schooling her third and fourth-grade daughters.
“I’ve always been introspective, but I’ve always been it in a negative sense. Like I blame myself for anything that goes wrong, instead of, “you know what, I’m part of something that is really good. I’m doing a pretty good job with work and with my kids and helping other people.’ The kids are doing well, and honestly, that I need to stop that negative self-perspective,’” Justice says.
COVID-19 and its resulting isolation has been tough for Justice. But she is working to keep positive and maintain her mental health through intentional gratitude and regular online appointments with a therapist. She does this not only for herself, but also for her husband and daughters.